Daniel Ivey
CS 601
Dr. Edgar
Case Study: Option 1; Angela
This case study is of a woman, Angela, married approximately 18 years to Bob, with two children still under their care. Angela is a member and a part time office worker at the church I serve as Senior Pastor. Tipped off by Angela’s daughter, I meet with Angela and Bob separately, and find out that Angela is wanting a divorce from Bob due to marital dissatisfaction which she says was the case from the beginning, of which she entered into because she was pregnant with Bob’s child. Bob does not go to the church, but feels the marriage is okay, and desires to work to mend any problems, which he believes are only stress related to the mortgage and his long hours. Angela is also in an established ‘emotional’ relationship with a man named Martin, and this is fairly public knowledge amongst other members of the church, and especially to the church leadership.
The ethical issue here is that Angela wants to divorce her current husband, and assumedly continue her relationship that she has established with Martin. While there is a huge ethical issue with her marriage and divorce to Bob, Angela seems to fail to realize that this decision would affect the whole community, and especially her children and the church. Angela who is at least nominally a Christian by her membership at my church, is failing to listen to the demands of Scripture as a Christian, and is only concerned with her own self-fulfillment. She expresses no concern for the implications of divorcing her husband Bob, and in fact shows great irreverence to the sanctity of marriage already by her somewhat public relationship she has already established with Martin. Her only concern is her romantic feelings and needs. She is completely ignoring the Biblical mandate to make sure that sin such as immorality not even be able to put to you name, Ephesians 5:2, because she is in a semi-open relationship with Martin. I will also assume that Martin is somehow connected to the church, and thus it is known to the people in the church. She is showing disregard to the reputation of the church, especially since she is church staff, engaging in a relationship while still married. She is showing disregard to her husband, by being with another man. She is acting unethically in regards to her children, not respecting their father, and bringing shame onto the family name. She is showing complete disregard to the Biblical definition and mandate to marriage, even marriage to an unbeliever.
Angela is influenced by her own selfish ideals of love which are representative of popular opinion and psychology, and is completely self- absorbed, showing no concern for the broader effects of her desired choice. She is under the delusion that her marriage is simply her marriage, and is in no way connected to her husband, her children and relatives, the church, the community, and the Lord. Marriage is bestowed through the church by the Lord, and is therefore accountable and responsible to the church and the Lord. It is participated in and witnessed by the community. Dr. Virginia Holeman points out that married people hold a mutual ‘stake holding’ relationship with that community and especially the church. Marriage is not just two people individuated from society, but the “blessed bond of marriage is a matter of both personal and corporate destiny.” (Boulton 326) Marriage is the God ordained institution in which Christian love and discipleship is to be experienced. “When Christian marriages and families lose their sense of belonging and purpose within the community of faith, the church is weakened; and lessened is its ability to witness to Christ and his Kingdom. This is a great loss to a world in need of redemption.” (323) This case not only brings an ethical concern for the well being of Angela and Bob and their two children, but could also be a great cancer and defilement within the church, which would also defame the name of the church and the faith in the community. As the pastor, I have to be concerned with all the levels and all the people involved in this matter. Being that she is church staff and a member, and that I am now aware of the situation, I have an ethical responsibility as a fellow believer, and as the pastor, to confront this matter, and call it for the evil that it is. However, I would have to ascertain to what level Angela truly believes the Scripture to be able to know where my starting point is to counsel and guide her back in the right direction.
As a person of society, her grounds for divorce are shoddy, although in the age of the therapeutic and the age of self-actualization, her reasoning is accepted and even encouraged. However, on the grounds of Christian ethics, she has no place to stand her ground in wanting to divorce Bob, or to start a new relationship with Martin. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was written to stop serial marriages amongst the men, and Jesus combats this desire for serial marriages in the Gospels. While Angela has not explicitly said that she plans to leave Bob to be with Martin, it would absurd to assume otherwise that this is not her plan. Though she claims to have been unhappy in her marriage the whole time, it cannot be overlooked that she is bringing up plans of divorce now that she is in a relationship that she desires. Her initial claim that she never felt ‘married’ but only married because she was pregnant, is suspect for several reasons. She was into Bob enough to have been sleeping with him initially. She had another child with him approximately 5 years into their marriage, and she has now remained married to him for 18 years. She is obviously wanting to move on to fulfill her own desires with Martin. This is no ground for divorce, which God hates altogether. (Malachi 2:16) The only grounds that she is coming on to back up her reason for divorce is that she doesn’t like the way that it feels! It is completely based on her selfish emotions. And if she wants to argue on the grounds that Martin understands her spiritually, and that Bob doesn’t because he is an unbeliever, these are not grounds for divorce either. For the Biblical admonition is clearly for the believing wife to stay with her unbelieving husband! (I Corinthians 7:12-13) Here she is also placing her selfish emotional desires above the possibility of his eternal salvation! On top of this, Bob is wanting the marriage to succeed and is willing to work on it.
Christian love is about looking out for the concerns of others, not the concerns of oneself. Christian marriage calls us to love and serve the other, and to submit the whole of ourselves to our spouse. Outside relationships are strictly forbidden. Only the “two shall become one flesh”. (Matthew 19:5) We are to guard against and make sure that we let no person tear asunder what God has put together. (19:6) It is God’s ideal that Angela and Bob stay together, period. It is God’s desire that Angela be able to win her husband to Christ by her good behavior. (I Peter 3:1-2) Christ also calls us to people of our word, with our yes being yes and our no being no. (Matthew 5:37) Angela would be breaking her marital vows to Bob, and thus become a liar. She is already breaking her vows to Bob with her illicit relationship to Martin. Is it true that Angela should be able to expect emotional support and love from Bob, yes. But a lack of emotional support and love from Bob is not reason for divorce, especially being that Bob desires to be there for her and continue the marriage. There are two choices of how to be in a marriage. “The two characters are covenant-keepers and self-maximizers. Culture tells us to be self-maximizers; the commandment tells us to be covenant-keepers.” (Boulton 348) Christ calls us to be covenant-keepers, as a testament to faithfulness God has shown to us. If Angela is to name the name of Christ, she must stay with her husband, who to me, sounds like a more righteous one than her.
I would call Angela to live up to the Biblical standard of marriage for a Christian and would not enable her, by validating her reasoning for divorce at all. I would confront her with the leadership of the church, as a fellow believer, member of the church, and as a staff member, to abandon her relationship with Martin. And if Martin were part of the church as well, I would do the same with him. I would make sure not to run her off, so that I would lose a platform in her life to guide and counsel her, for her sake and that sake of all those involved. I would instruct Angela and to some extent her husband as well, as the glorious design God has for marriage, and offer words of hope that they both could find all they desire for their marriage in each other if they would both put their lives in proper alignment with God. I would let them know that this is God’s institution and therefore they need to live it in God’s way. I would pray like crazy for them, and keep a watchful eye and a listening ear out for Kathy and her older brother. I believe that this marriage would be easily salvageable, if Angela would abandon the philosophy of self-maximizing, and take on the Christian worldview, founded in the knowledge and relationship with God
Bibliography: Works Cited and Consulted
Bockmuehl, Markus. Jewish Law in Gentile Churches: Halakhah and the Begtinning of Christian Public Ethics. T&T Clark. Edinburgh. 2000.
Boulton, Wayne G., Thomas D.Kennedy, and Allen Verhey, eds., From Christ to the World: Introductory Readings in Christian Ethics. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1994.
Campolo, Tony. 20 Hot Potatoes Christians Are Afraid to Touch. Word Publishing. Dallas. 1988.
Grunlan, Stephen A. Marriage and the Family: A Christian Perspective. Zondervan Publishing House. Grand Rapids, MI. 1999.
Hays, Richard. The Moral Vision of the New Testament: A Contemporary Introduction to New Testament Ethics. Harper Collins. San Fransico. 1996.
Holeman, Virigina. Reconcilable Differences: Hope and Healing for Troubled Marriages. InterVarsity Press. Downers Grove, IL. 2004.
Hollinger, Dennis, Choosing the Good: Christian Ethics in a Complex World. Grand Rapids:Baker, 2002.
Miles, Rebekah L., The Pastor as Moral Guide. Minneapolis: Fortress, 1999.
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